LUCKY TO BE
-- Eric Bromberg
Lily Homeside thought she was hallucinating when the doctor held up her newborn child. He was big, beautiful and healthy. After moments of uncertainty, her eyes focused closely, the pounding in her chest subsided. She slowly loosened fists that had clutched the bedsheet tightly to her bosom. With a nervous laugh and a broad smile, she reached out for the baby. Lily Homeside had given birth to the world's first two-headed boy. She named him Jack and Sam.
On a sunny afternoon, John Homeside drove his wife and son home from the hospital. He couldn't imagine anything more thrilling. The young coupple giggled like schoolkids and stopped along the way to show off their baby to passing neighbors.
The early years passed quickly. John watched his son grow, steeped in fascination every time the two heads conversed. Jack and Sam developed the power of persuasion, talking each other into believing almost anything.
On their ninth birthday, Jack told Sam about a two-headed parrot, perched in the space between their necks. He described the green feathers and yellow crown. It was the offspring of Ferdinand Magellan, the explorer, and some bird creature from another universe. Jack was very convincing. After several hours, Sam truly believed that the parrot existed. By the following afternoon, Sam had embellished the story with such amazing detail that Jack had become convinced as well, totally forgetting that he had made up the fantasy. They named the parrot Bill and Sid.
Twenty-seven years later, the man with two heads had become the most successful insurance salesman of his time. Customers could not resist their charming parrot stories. Jack with an embarrassed blush would brush bird droppings from his lapel, while Sam would hand them a pen to sign the contract. Many of their clients offered to buy Bill and Sid.
One morning, they were summoned to company headquarters. Luscious Gloria Devonshire greeted the foursome, explaining that Mr. Pernell wanted to see them right away. Her eyes drifted southward, then back to their heads. All four were still looking backwards at Gloria as they entered the boss's office, almost knocking him down.
Mr. Pernell was a strong-willed man, not easily convinced of anything he couldn't see or touch. Sales were down and he was upset. He felt strongly that there was no place in the business world for an imaginary two-headed parrot. Jack and Sam pleaded their case.
On cue, the bird leaped into the water pitcher atop Mr. Pernell's desk. Backstroking for a moment, then bounding to the rim, they raised their wings in mock triumph. The two-headed salesman laughed loudly and applauded briskly. But this had no effect on Mr. Pernell. The boss insisted that they seek treatment or be dismissed.
Dr. Wally gazed out of the window, tapping the eraser of his pencil against his chin. He asked all of the classic questions, listening intently to the answers. At one point, Jack and Sam revealed that their father had died, choking on a condom that he was trying to blow up at a dinner party. Their mother, Lily slipped off a coffee table while trying to get them off the ceiling, breaking her neck. They never would forget the happy looks on their faces as their parents were wheeled out on stretchers.
During the next visit, Jack and Sam told the psychiatrist about Bill and Sid. He became engrossed in their tales of the two-headed parrot. By the third visit, the doctor was feeding Bill and Sid little bits of pretzel. Doctor Wally expressed concern, not able to understand why two well-adjusted individuals had bothered to enter his office. He shook their hands and wished them luck.
The next day, the four friends caught a flight to South Seas and ports beyond.